WHAT THE US ELECTION CAN TEACH US ABOUT PARENTING

We’re in the middle of one of the most divisive elections in the history of the United states. It’s been four years of incredibly intense rhetoric from both sides, and an exhibition in failed leadership and failed humanity. Here, on the cusp of learning the results of the 2020 presidential election, it’s important to reflect on what we can learn from this pivotal moment in american history.

It all started with a concession speech from the late Senator John McCain…

During the 2008 presidential race, I was 21 years old. I was sure that I understood the world, and my place in it (as 21 year olds often are). I was sure of my politics, and I was sure of my disdain for John McCain. He had, after all, been a part of the group of GOP clowns who pushed for endless wars in the Middle East right? Right?

At the time, I didn’t bother watching this concession speech, because I thought it to be inconsequential. The candidate that I wanted to win, won. My team prevailed, so that was all that mattered. Looking back on all of this I realize that I lacked the maturity and perspective to understand what poor leadership truly looked like. I had been blessed in my lifetime up until that point to see generally solid leaders in the White House. Well respected men who acted with the nations best interests at heart. Leaders who, despite differences with their opponents, ultimately attempted to bring the country together to fight for the common good. While there were disagreements about how to get there, everyone at least appeared to work across party lines for the good of our nation.

Then came the surprise presidency of Donald J. Trump and with it, an exposure of an America that we had only seen glimpses of during the Obama presidency. I watched ordinary Americans divided along party lines, and ideals on humanity, religion, sexual orientation and basic human rights. It felt like the country was broken. It felt like the American that I knew and loved had somehow come apart and that it’s fundamental goodness and light had been diminished and was on the brink of being destroyed. Now that it appears that his presidency is coming to an end (and Trump feels backed into a corner), his speeches, actions, and rhetoric have become even more unhinged.

So what do these two things (McCains concession speech and Trumps current insanity) have to do with parenting? If we look at McCains concession speech, what we see is a prime example of true leadership. Even though it was a hard fought campaign, at the end of it, there were two men who came away from it with mutual respect, and the conviction to work together to build a better nation. Instead of focusing on continuing to batter, beat, and berate each other, McCain and Obama found common ground on which to stand and work together. Trump on the other hand, driven by ego, hubris, and lack of personal responsibility, has continued to spout hatred and vitriol for four years. Instead of attempting to work with others who have differing views from him, he has positioned himself as the savior of a nation. He used the anger created during the 2016 election cycle to continue to campaign long after he won the election. He’s essentially spent four years patting himself on the back instead of leading the nation.

McCain showed us that a true leader is gracious in defeat. He treated his opponent with respect, even though they both fought an incredibly difficult battle for the White House. He realized that at the end of the day, both of them love their country and ultimately had the same goal: to build a better country for our children, grandchildren, and fellow citizens. This is the lesson.

We need more leaders like John McCain (a sentence I never thought I’d write). We need more leaders in this world who know how to stand up for what they believe in, but without then believing that those who don’t agree with them are somehow evil. Just because we don’t agree with someone, doesn’t mean that they’re less human than we are. It’s good to have differing opinions, but it’s not good to hate someone based on those opinions.

As my grandpa used to say “Opinions are like assholes, everyone’s got one”.

In my mind, what the 2020 presidential race has taught us that we need better elected officials, more parents, and more leaders doing a better job showing what it means to be a good citizen of this great nation. We need to set the example on how to disagree with someone without painting them as evil or less than. The fact is, that most people out there have more in common than they do differences, no matter what they’re background. Everyone wants to feel safe, everyone wants to have enough to eat and a roof over their heads, everyone wants the best for their children, and everyone wants to be able to live the way they want without interference from others. This all or nothing attitude has infected our country at the highest positions and will influence how we relate to one another for years to come. But when we look deeply at ourselves, acknowledge our own biases, and work to better understand one another rather than claw, and tear, and destroy the “other side”, then and only then can we continue to become the nation that we were meant to be. When this is all over I hope that we can move on, together as a nation, and as Americans into a brighter future.

Have something you’d like to add? Leave a comment below!

THE PERFECT DADDY DIAPER BAG? // THE 5.11 TACTICAL RUSH 12 BACKPACK

If you’ve been on the hunt for a diaper bag that looks great, will last a lifetime, and doesn’t break the bank, I have good news! While there are no shortage of diaper bags on the market, it can be hard to find a bag that balances function, durability, and usability better than the 5.11 Tactical RUSH series.

Like most dads I’ve had a hard time finding a diaper bag. I wanted something that was durable, functional, and could be easily organized for anything that our son could throw our way. After months of research, review videos and countless hours hemming and hawing at our local Buy Buy Baby, I think I’ve finally found the perfect diaper bag! The amazing thing is that it’s not a diaper bag at all. Now if you know the name 5.11 Tactical, you’ll know that they’re deep in the world of Everyday Carry, hiking, hunting, law enforcement, and more. They typically make gear focused on those who carry firearms for a living, as well as the “tacticool” community. I have a few items from their lineup including a jacket, but have never fully embraced their style because of their focus on military-style design aesthetic. However, when looking for a diaper bag I had a few criteria that I just couldn’t seem to find in any other line of bags.

1. DURABILITY. I didn’t want a diaper bag that was ONLY a diaper bag. I wanted to be able to load it out in multiple configurations and use it far beyond our diaper years. The materials and craftsmanship also needed to be on point.

2. FUNCTIONALITY. I wanted a bag that would not only serve as a diaper bag, but one that would be able to carry all of our mom/dad essentials as well. The needed to open wide enough that I could easily stuff things in, get things out, and keep everything organized so that I could find it quickly and easily.

3. AESTHETIC. I wasn’t super worried about seeming like a “tough guy” dad with a tactical backpack. I wanted aesthetics that were simple and functional and not too over the top. I don’t need a ton of attachments, and if there are any they needed to be for go, not just for show.

4. VALUE. Diaper bags are EXPENSIVE. In most cases, high quality diaper bags can range anywhere from $100-$150, and many only work as a diaper bag.

With our criteria covered, let’s dive into the bag that I chose.

durability

The 5.11 Tactical Rush Series of bags is built with long-term durability in mind. The outer shell is made of water-resistant 1050D nylon, and is designed to hold up to abusive outdoor use. This is the same material that’s used in military bags, heavy duty duffel bags, and more. It has a long history of standing up to abuse and daily use and should stand up to years of use as a diaper bag and beyond. Beyond just the bag material, the Rush 12 has heavy duty, self-repairing YKK zippers and zipper pulls. This means that the zippers, which are one of the most common failure points of any bag, are designed to be opened and closed thousands of times without coming apart or malfunctioning.

5.11 Tactical Rush 12 Backpack

Water Resistant 1050D Nylon

Water Resistant 1050D Nylon

Minimal branding

YKK Self-Healing zippers

with glove friendly zipper pulls.

Large admin panel

to organize and store the things you need access to quickly

functionality

One of the biggest things I was looking for in a diaper bag was organization. Many of the dad bags out there have a few cool features, but largely are focused on baby’s stuff, but don’t have any real organization for those items, or for mom and dads items. This is a place where the Rush 12 shines. In total, there are 16 individual compartments throughout the bag, with a multi-slot administrative pocket for holding pens, pencils, flashlights, notebooks, or whatever else you might need quick access to.

The front admin panel also has some larger slots integrated into the front flap, as well as a zipper pocket towards the interior for things that might come loose as the bag is moving around. Moving up on the bag we have an unlined accessories pocket where you can store anything that needs to be within quick reach. Moving to the top of the bag there’s a soft-lined glasses pocket, perfect for sunglasses or phones.

Inside the Rush 12 you’ll find a huge internal compartment totaling about 24L of storage. On the front flap there are two mesh pockets, perfect for storing wipes, diapers, and other accessories. On the back panel of the bag there’s a large pocket with a tie down which is great for organizing a change of clothes, or even storing a laptop or tablet. The thing that really impressed me about this bag though was its ability to open completely and lay flat out. This means that you can access anything and everything stored in the internal storage compartments quickly and easily. When changing a baby you’re often trying to do things with one hand, so having the ability to see everything all at once is a huge plus.

A few other notable features:

• This bag has space for a hydration pack with

• The ergonomic straps also have a quick release buckle at the bottom making the bag very easy to get on and off at a moments notice

• The Rush 12 has a sternum help distribute the weight more evenly across your body when fully loaded

• The padded back makes the bag extremely comfortable to wear for long periods

aesthetic

Now, here’s where I think the Rush 12 falters a little, but I can’t really fault the designers. Overall the aesthetic of the bag is pretty understated, with no huge logos or crazy colors. I chose to go with the Black colorway instead of any of the more tactical looking Coyote Brown, OD Green, or Double Tap (it’s just grey). However, I do think that this bag is much more “tactical” than most diaper bags that I had been looking at. Again, this isn’t the fault of 5.11 Tactical (duh, they have tactical in their name), it’s just personal preference. The great thing about this tactical look though is that it does serve a purpose. The straps that you see all over the bag are called MOLLE webbing. Now MOLLE is a system that was developed for military use, and allows you to attach, detach, and reconfigure this bag to any number of use cases. You can attach and endless number of pouches, tools, and accessories to a bag like this to customize it to fit your exact needs.

value

This is where I believe the Rush 12 really shines. Coming in at around $99 dollars you’re right in the ballpark of typical diaper bags, but you’re getting tremendous value in terms of comfort, durability, and functionality, which you don’t find with most diaper bags. This bag also has value far beyond its use as a diaper bag. It can be used for hiking, outdoor adventures, and even as an everyday bag for commuting to and from the office once you’re no longer carrying around lots of gear for your little one.

What’s your favorite daddy diaper bag? Have you found an alternative to other, more traditional diaper bag companies? Let me know in the comments below!

5 WAYS TO BE A BETTER PARTNER DURING PREGNANCY

So you found out that your partner is pregnant and you’re expecting your first child?! That’s incredibly exciting news! Having a child is an incredible time in your life but it can also be very overwhelming. What do you do as a dad? How do you help your wife or partner get through this challenging time? Her body is going to go through some massive changes and you can sometimes feel like you’re just along for the ride. But the good news is that there are lots of things that you can do to help lighten the load for your partner and really make the experience amazing. 

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1. Read as much as you can. 

   If you truly want to understand your partner is going through, one of the best things you can do is to read about it. While we’re never going to truly know what it’s like to go through a pregnancy, we as dads and committed partners can read and learn as much as we can about the process. Two of my favorite books are The Birth Guys Go-To Guide for New Dads by Brian WE. Salmon and Kirsten Brunner and The Expectant Father by Armin A. Brott and Jennifer Ash. Both of these books did a great job of laying out not only what to expect during the pregnancy, but also the first few months after the pregnancy. These books cover everything from what’s happening inside moms body, to what’s happening with baby’s development and what to expect through all of the appointments, body changes, emotions, and ways for you to help during every step of the way. Being a new dad can feel really scary sometimes, but reading and learning as much as you can will help you understand what’s happening, what to expect, and how you can be the best partner you can. 

2. Attend as Many Appointments as You Can. 

   Appointments for baby and mom are really for everyone. If you want to be a good partner and help mom feel like you’re committed to the process, then you should do your best to make it to every appointment you can. Now I know that depending on work schedules and your job  that you may not be able to make every appointment, but these should be a priority. During these appointments you’ll learn a lot from your doctor about what to expect and about what’s happening inside moms body. This is also your chance to ask questions like what foods to eat and what foods to avoid, and learn more about what to expect during the entire pregnancy. Now the most fun part about these appointments is that they are also where you’re going to meet your baby for the first time. I can’t tell you how amazing it was to be there, with my wife when we heard our baby’s heart beat for the first time. That’s an experience that I’ll never forget and it truly made the pregnancy “real” for me. 

3. The Pregnancy is not about you. 

   You need to take care of yourself yes, but this time is all about mom. From the appointments, to the questions, to what you’re thinking about, reading about, and purchasing, this time is all about mom and preparing for the delivery of your new baby. If you’re a man who tends to think more about himself and what he wants, it’s time to get over it. Now, I’m not saying that you need to be a doormat for your partner, as all relationships should involve a healthy amount of give and take, but try your best to be more understanding and patient during this time. Mom’s hormones are likely going crazy as her body prepares to carry and birth a child. She’s going to be more emotional, have food cravings, and food aversions. She’s going to be extremely happy, and extremely sad at the drop of a hat, and she may even be a little more quick to anger than normal. This is all a normal part of the baby baking process. This is your time to really work on developing your patience and listening skills. 

4. Be involved and excited about shopping for the baby. 

   Now I know that shopping might not be your favorite thing in the world but the truth is that babies need a TON of stuff. Bottles, blankets, cribs, rockers, high-chairs, car seats, strollers, etc. Mom is going to need a lot of help researching and picking out the best stuff for your new little one. Be present, and be excited about this next chapter in your lives. It’s likely that mom is feeling very overwhelmed by not only what’s happening in her body, but also be all of the seemingly endless decisions that need to be made. Take some initiative and help her figure out what crib you want to buy, what strollers work best for your family and your budget, and researching what products are going to suit your lifestyle and how you want to raise your new baby. So far, we’ve spent several hours in furniture stores, and places like Buy Buy Baby just looking at, feeling, touch, and seeing new products as we get ready for our little one to arrive. Even if you’re tired, or bored, keep a smile on your face and help your partner work through the process, because I can almost guarantee that you’re not as tired or overwhelmed as she is. 

5. Be prepared to do a LOT of listening. 

   Mom is going through a rough time. Some moves have harder pregnancies than others, but all pregnancies come with their difficulties. On top of the physical issues that she’ll endure (constant headaches, constipation, strange cravings, being constantly hungry and nauseous all at the same time), she’ll be going through a range of emotional challenges as well. Having a baby is a huge deal, and it should be treated that way. This means that when mom or you are ready to talk, it’s important that it gets your undivided attention. Mom may confess fears or worries to you and you as her partner have to be there to support her and reassure her that you’re in this thing together. She may worry about being a good mother, about the possibility of something going wrong during the pregnancy, or about what you’ll think about her after the baby is born. Be a listening ear, a shoulder to cry on if need be. Be present in the moment with her when she’s talking about her feelings, thoughts, and emotions. These may just seem like common sense things to do in any healthy relationship, but they’re especially important during a pregnancy. Mom is going to be especially vulnerable during this time, and it’s your job to help bring a sense of stability to the process. 

So that’s it, those are five simple ways that you can be a better partner during your pregnancy. Remember that to truly be a good partner you have to let mom know that you’re there to support her every step of the way. You’re in this thing together and that you’re excited about the prospect of bringing your child into the world. She’ll appreciate it more than you’ll ever know, and it can only help bring you closer together!

Have something you’d like to add? Leave a comment below and help other first time parents through the process of pregnancy!