5 WAYS TO BE A BETTER PARTNER DURING PREGNANCY
So you found out that your partner is pregnant and you’re expecting your first child?! That’s incredibly exciting news! Having a child is an incredible time in your life but it can also be very overwhelming. What do you do as a dad? How do you help your wife or partner get through this challenging time? Her body is going to go through some massive changes and you can sometimes feel like you’re just along for the ride. But the good news is that there are lots of things that you can do to help lighten the load for your partner and really make the experience amazing.
Read as much as you can.
If you truly want to understand your partner is going through, one of the best things you can do is to read about it. While we’re never going to truly know what it’s like to go through a pregnancy, we as dads and committed partners can read and learn as much as we can about the process. Two of my favorite books are The Birth Guys Go-To Guide for New Dads by Brian WE. Salmon and Kirsten Brunner and The Expectant Father by Armin A. Brott and Jennifer Ash. Both of these books did a great job of laying out not only what to expect during the pregnancy, but also the first few months after the pregnancy. These books cover everything from what’s happening inside moms body, to what’s happening with baby’s development and what to expect through all of the appointments, body changes, emotions, and ways for you to help during every step of the way. Being a new dad can feel really scary sometimes, but reading and learning as much as you can will help you understand what’s happening, what to expect, and how you can be the best partner you can.
Attend as Many Appointments as You Can.
Appointments for baby and mom are really for everyone. If you want to be a good partner and help mom feel like you’re committed to the process, then you should do your best to make it to every appointment you can. Now I know that depending on work schedules and your job that you may not be able to make every appointment, but these should be a priority. During these appointments you’ll learn a lot from your doctor about what to expect and about what’s happening inside moms body. This is also your chance to ask questions like what foods to eat and what foods to avoid, and learn more about what to expect during the entire pregnancy. Now the most fun part about these appointments is that they are also where you’re going to meet your baby for the first time. I can’t tell you how amazing it was to be there, with my wife when we heard our baby’s heart beat for the first time. That’s an experience that I’ll never forget and it truly made the pregnancy “real” for me.
The Pregnancy is not about you.
You need to take care of yourself yes, but this time is all about mom. From the appointments, to the questions, to what you’re thinking about, reading about, and purchasing, this time is all about mom and preparing for the delivery of your new baby. If you’re a man who tends to think more about himself and what he wants, it’s time to get over it. Now, I’m not saying that you need to be a doormat for your partner, as all relationships should involve a healthy amount of give and take, but try your best to be more understanding and patient during this time. Mom’s hormones are likely going crazy as her body prepares to carry and birth a child. She’s going to be more emotional, have food cravings, and food aversions. She’s going to be extremely happy, and extremely sad at the drop of a hat, and she may even be a little more quick to anger than normal. This is all a normal part of the baby baking process. This is your time to really work on developing your patience and listening skills.
Be involved and excited about shopping for the baby.
Now I know that shopping might not be your favorite thing in the world but the truth is that babies need a TON of stuff. Bottles, blankets, cribs, rockers, high-chairs, car seats, strollers, etc. Mom is going to need a lot of help researching and picking out the best stuff for your new little one. Be present, and be excited about this next chapter in your lives. It’s likely that mom is feeling very overwhelmed by not only what’s happening in her body, but also be all of the seemingly endless decisions that need to be made. Take some initiative and help her figure out what crib you want to buy, what strollers work best for your family and your budget, and researching what products are going to suit your lifestyle and how you want to raise your new baby. So far, we’ve spent several hours in furniture stores, and places like Buy Buy Baby just looking at, feeling, touch, and seeing new products as we get ready for our little one to arrive. Even if you’re tired, or bored, keep a smile on your face and help your partner work through the process, because I can almost guarantee that you’re not as tired or overwhelmed as she is.
Be prepared to do a LOT of listening.
Mom is going through a rough time. Some moves have harder pregnancies than others, but all pregnancies come with their difficulties. On top of the physical issues that she’ll endure (constant headaches, constipation, strange cravings, being constantly hungry and nauseous all at the same time), she’ll be going through a range of emotional challenges as well. Having a baby is a huge deal, and it should be treated that way. This means that when mom or you are ready to talk, it’s important that it gets your undivided attention. Mom may confess fears or worries to you and you as her partner have to be there to support her and reassure her that you’re in this thing together. She may worry about being a good mother, about the possibility of something going wrong during the pregnancy, or about what you’ll think about her after the baby is born. Be a listening ear, a shoulder to cry on if need be. Be present in the moment with her when she’s talking about her feelings, thoughts, and emotions. These may just seem like common sense things to do in any healthy relationship, but they’re especially important during a pregnancy. Mom is going to be especially vulnerable during this time, and it’s your job to help bring a sense of stability to the process.
So that’s it, those are five simple ways that you can be a better partner during your pregnancy. Remember that to truly be a good partner you have to let mom know that you’re there to support her every step of the way. You’re in this thing together and that you’re excited about the prospect of bringing your child into the world. She’ll appreciate it more than you’ll ever know, and it can only help bring you closer together!
Have something you’d like to add? Leave a comment below and help other first time parents through the process of pregnancy!